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THE GREAT TOILET PAPER FIRE





We need toilet paper. None of the stores have any. When you find some, you hoard it. Looks like I’m going to run out of it soon. On my last three orders the stores I use didn’t have any.

A major grocery chain in Texas is offering free deliveries to the elderly during the pandemic. Seniors only have to pay a $10 tip to the driver. Except a charity is covering the tip, so it’s actually a totally free delivery for us. But, since my email is entered wrong in their system, I have to order by phone instead of online.

I tell the volunteer order-taker, “I know they probably won’t have it but put down toilet paper. Any size—any kind is fine.”

“Toilet paper is hard right now.” She stretches out some of her vowels with the soft back of the mouth sounds of a Texas drawl. “Did ya hear what happened to that eighteen-wheeler on its way to Houston?”

“No, I don’t watch the news much right now.”

“A diesel truck hauling toilet paper to Houston caught fire on the highway.” Her voice lifted in excitement. “All the toilet paper went up in flames.”

“My god, you can’t make stuff like that up.” And. Another thing missing on my bingo card. My mind spun with dizziness as I was hit by shock, amusement, and horror all at the same time. What if the toilet paper meant for the store near me was on that truck?

About four hours later, my groceries arrive. A warm swirling feeling rises in my chest. Sitting among all the plastic bags is a big package of twelve double-size rolls of toilet paper. I gasp and squeal like a kid finding a bike under the tree on Christmas day. I guess a truck that didn’t burn up reached the store. And just in time… I was down to my last roll.

 On April 1, 2020, a big-rig truck carrying toilet paper crashed and caught on fire in Dallas County. Thousands of rolls of toilet paper burned up. This is true. It was not an April Fools prank, though that is the day it happened. On April 1, 2020, there were 1,021 deaths in the US from Coronavirus, just on this day.



 I have had samples of memoir ghostwriting I have done for clients. But now since I just published a short memoir written about my experience under my name I thought I'd share some chapters. As another way to sample my writing, and it's always nice to share. 



Romance Author, Cornelia Amiri, chronicles her comedy-drama experiences of the pandemic, hip replacement surgery, and moving into a 55+ community.For a while, I have had samples of memoir ghostwriting I have done for clients so potential clients can view them. But now, since I just published a short memoir written about my experiences under my name, I thought I'd share some chapters. As another way to sample my writing, and it's always nice to share. 

More memoir essays like this in the memoir —A Boomer Chick's Bingo Card: A Year Of Covid And Other Changes


All of which turned March 2020 to March 2021 into a period of chaos, uncertainty, and … laughter—that she covers in chapters such as:
  • The Fire Watcher
  • The Zombie Parade
  • The Great Toilet Paper Fire
Can Cornelia avoid covid-19 with highly sociable neighbors, who refuse to take any precautions? Will she overcome the crazy obstacles in her path and finally get her hip replacement surgeries? And, moreover, what does her cat think of all of this?

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