Most people who want to write books refuse to do those things. Two of the most important ones are learning the craft of writing and actually writing. To me, it stands to reason if you want to write a book, you’ll learn the craft of writing and then sit down and write or hire a ghostwriter. Apparently, that doesn’t seem reasonable to a lot of people. And that’s why nonwriters are always ready to teach writers about writing. After all, they know so much more about it than writers do. In fact, here are some weird and wacky things nonwriters have told me over the years:
1. I know advances can be low on the first three books, but once I write the fourth one, I’ll be set for life.
How many writers do you personally know who seem set for life? And, unless you actually know Stephen King, J k Rowling, Danielle Steel, James Patterson etc., you can’t count them. In 2018 the average annual income solely from book-related activities for published authors all together was $3,100 and among full-time traditionally published authors is was $12,400.
2. Don’t’ say you have work to do when you’re talking about writing. Writing’s something you do for fun.
Sometimes it’s fun, sometimes it’s not, but it’s always my work.
3. Fiction books rot the brain.
Curiously, all medical research on reading shows an opposite finding.
4. Writers spend a few minutes on writing each day then they watch tv and eat bonbons.
I wish my average day or any day as a writer was like that. Where do I sign up for that type of writing life?
5. All Romance writers use a formula it’s not real writing.
Really? Do you know where I can get that formula because that sounds much easier than the way I and all my romance author friends write? We write romance books following genre guidelines, which certainly isn’t a formula. Genre guidelines can be challenging, furthermore, I wouldn’t say they make writing easier.
6. Spending four hours a day on writing is bad time management, you should never spend more than 5 minutes a day for that.
If I want to take 30 plus years to write one book.
7. I want to write a book, without doing any writing. I’ll just call up a publisher. Once they hear my idea, they’ll get me a ghostwriter and cover all the cost.
And this type of thinking is exactly how nonwriters end up scammed and paying to be published—unless you are a celebrity or have a five-figure social media platform.
8. I’m going to write a book, so I can leave a big portion of the money from it to my children after I’m gone.
I’d make different arrangements for your children if really want to ensure they’re taken care of.
9. I’m going to write a big book. It’s going to be so big. It’s going to be like 1000 words.
Oh, flash fiction, 4 pages, how wonderful. Well, that is bigger than one page.
10. I’m going to write a book, so tell your publisher to call me so I can tell them my idea.
Yeah, I’m not going to do that. Ever heard of submitting and following publisher guidelines?
11. Once I write the book I’m done. I shouldn’t need formatting or cover art to publish it.
Have you ever seen a book that wasn’t formatted into a publishable form (epub, mobi, print) or didn’t have a book cover (other than those that had the covers ripped off)?
12. I can put song lyrics in my book because I included the name of the songwriter.
Well that covers plagiarism but you’re violating copyright– that’s illegal (unless it’s in the public domain or you have written permission from the copyright holder)
13. People that do stuff like writing do it because they love it.
Like many people most writers enjoy their profession but the idea that it’s not work and has nothing to do with earning a living is way off.
14. I don’t trust this word count; it says 2000 words, but it took a long time to write all that. 2000 words are really like 50,000 words.
They must be using some new nonwriter counting system. Instead of 1999 going to 2000 it jumps to 50,000. It might sound good in theory, at least to nonwriters, but I don’t think publishers will believe it.
15. I’m going to write a book so I can use the money from the book to finance my music career.
When a lady told me this I just laughed. I couldn’t help it. I tried not to, but the laughter just spilled out like a waterfall.
16. I have a brand-new idea for a book. There all these books about princesses but I’m going to write a book about a prince.
I guess they haven’t seen my Prince of Powys are thousands of other books about princes.
17. Read books? No, I’m trying to write books. Why would I want to read any?
Maybe so you can write one.
18. I just know about children books, schoolbooks, and the bible. I never heard of books for grown people. What kind of grown-up has the time to sit down and read a book?
Intelligent ones.
19. I understand that once a publisher wants my book, they’ll give me a huge advance.
Yes…if you’re a celebrity with a huge platform and it’s a great story. If not, it still could happen, but big publishers are offering fewer and smaller advances than ever. First-time books aren’t usually given advances and when they are, they generally run from $5000 to $15,000.
20. No one knows the who these self-published authors are, but everyone’s heard of those published by the top publishers
Really? Name all the authors published by the Big 5 publishing companies last year You left out quite a lot didn’t you—thousands upon thousands of Big 5 authors you’ve never heard of.
21. All these people hire ghostwriters for their memoirs and stuff because they’re too busy doing important things. But these ghostwriters don’t have anything better to do than just sit around writing stuff.
You’ve got me there. Writing all day is the basic job duty of a writer. However, it’s important to writers …and a lot of readers too.
22. I don’t know why any of you writers write this fiction junk that’s not real? You need to write nonfiction books that help people.
Have you ever heard of entertainment or creativity? They expand and rejuvenate the human brain —that helps people…a lot.
23. Are you still writing?
The answer will always be, yes, of course. What else would I be doing? I’m a writer. Writers write.
24. You have an easy job you get to stay home and do nothing all day.
This goes back to this general idea a lot of nonwriters have that they can write a book without spending more than 5 minutes a day writing. No wonder they think we do nothing.
25. I’m going to do you a big favor I’m going to tell you about my life so you can write about it, it’ll make you famous
I wouldn’t dream of imposing on all that fame and fortune that should rightfully be yours. But thanks so much.
26. Why would it take 3 to 6 months for an agent or publisher to get back to me? That doesn’t make sense. I’m sure they’ll tell me what they think a day or two after they get the manuscript.
Because everything unsolicited goes into the slush pile, which is a ton of submissions and there are only a few agent-assistants and publishing-interns available to read them.
27. I don’t know why anyone would want to write more books. It seems like there’s already a book on pretty much everything. Why would anyone need more?
Storytelling is the oldest art. We have a human need to tell stories, to share out stories, and to hear stories …to read them. When you think about it that way …can there ever be such a thing as too many books?
28. With all this modern technology I just don’t see a future in books. Anyone can watch a movie or tv show anytime and anywhere. Why would anyone want to read?
Based on that logic, is it any wonder that the world seems to be getting dumber?
29. To write you have to be in the mood.
Writing isn’t something done on a whim. How can you write 2000 words or more a day if you wait for the mood? You can’t. I think this is just another version of the idea that writers don’t really work.
30. I would never be able to come up with those crazy ideas you writers think of.
Yes, you would. A functioning human brain equals ideas. It’s one of the things humans do—think up stuff.
31. I don’t know what’s wrong with these writers. I read things where they say they went through all these revisions. I wrote a term paper and got an A on it and I only had to go through it once and correct a few errors.
Proofing and revisions aren’t the same. You can look up the definitions. The phrases writing a term paper and writing professionally also have different meanings. And an A on a school term paper doesn’t change any of that.
32. If I tell my ghostwriter I want a self-help book, but I really want one that reads like an evangelical sermon, or if I say I want a memoir, but I really want a self-help book, that shouldn’t be a problem. Knowing what I want regardless of what I say is the ghostwriter’s job.
I agree it would be so much easier to just have the ghostwriter read your mind. But honestly, I don’t’ think I’ve ever met a clairvoyant ghostwriter.
33. Romance novels have no plot just sex.
Many romance novels have no sex scenes at all. But all romance books including erotica romance books have plots. You might be thinking of erotica novels (not erotica romance) or literary fiction, plots aren’t required in either of those.
34. My friends and I are going to take writing in college because the character Carrie on Sex In The City made a lot of money to buy all those designer shoes and dresses, so we know it’s a good career choice.
Basing what major you’ll take on a fictional TV show is not the wisest move. If you are doing that please see a guidance counselor ASAP. Also, think of all the writers in New York City (a huge number) think of the New York City newspapers (a small number) and think of those papers that run a weekly column on sex (a micro number). To get the job Carrie had, you’d have to be the best sex column writer out of all the writers in New York City—a degree won’t be enough.
35. Writing really isn’t something you should expect to get paid for. It’s the kind of thing you just do for friends and family.
Exactly, by taking my writing seriously and writing more I can make more money to do things for my family like pay our rent and put food on the table and maybe go out to dinner with my friends once in a while.
36. What do you mean you don’t call it a hobby? If you don’t call writing a hobby what do you call it?
I call it my job…. My career.
37. Someone told me they dreamed that I wrote a book and it went to the big screen.
So now people are writing books not because it’s their dream but because someone they know had a dream about them. Did you ask them what the book was about in this dream? Or in the dream, were you open to learning anything about writing or the publishing industry or how to submit to people who could get a book to people who could get it to the big screen. If not, unless you’re willing to hire a ghostwriter to do all that, I would look on this dream as just that— a dream someone you hardly know had about you.
In closing, none of these 37 things people say has anything to do with aspiring writers. They are willing to do the things professional writers do. This list pertains to the numerous people who think writers have elves come at night and write all the books the way elves made all the shoes for the fairy tale cobbler of old. But, if magic elves don’t come through for you, ghostwriters are available, as well as a writing education from the many classes, books, and articles that teach the craft of writing, though you’d still have to make time for writing. Trust me, five minutes a day will not cut it.
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